My husband and I were friends in high school and started dating in college. During my senior year we got engaged and were married a year and a half later. Looking back, I am so thankful for this slow progression in our relationship because I believe it helped to strengthen us as a couple and prepare us for what lay ahead. Never could I have imagined the journey that my family was going to take.
Things started off pretty standard: got married, bought a small house, started a family. Smooth sailing, or so I thought. In 2006 we welcomed a healthy baby boy. All was well in our small world, until we hit our first speed bump. We were moving into a new home when my husband became very sick and was in and out of the hospital. I remember being in a daze of anxiety and exhaustion. The love and support from friends and family – helping me pack, watching the baby, loading our belongings and moving them into our new home – well, I could not have done it without them. They are “my village”.
I am pleased to say that we successfully moved into our new home and things seemed to settle for a minute. In 2008, we welcomed a second baby boy into the family. This red-headed, energetic little bundle of joy really kept us on our toes. Actually, he still does! But as the saying goes, “all good things must come to an end.” In 2009 I developed a DVT (deep vein thrombosis or blood clot). Never having had any issues in the past, this shook me to my core.
I’ll be honest, before the DVT I was driving myself crazy trying to do it all: tidy home, appear as though I’ve got it together, nice house, family, neighborhood, etc. I’m “Supermom”. The adult dream, right? Well, the DVT made me re-evaluate my life. I realized how little time I was spending actively engaged with my kids. I was always working or doing things around the house, so I was never really “in the moment” with them.
So, a month after I had the clot, I found out I was pregnant with baby #3 and I had a decision to make. What type of mom did I want to be? I began to reprioritize my life, my kids. A decision that was far from easy because, mostly due to the outrageous medical bills, it meant that we would have to sell our home and move in with my in-laws. And bless my husband, in-laws, and parents for being totally supportive. They were my rock! So, in 2010 we welcomed a beautiful baby girl, moved in with my husband’s parents, and (early 2011) I left my career.
For the next few years we worked to recover from the loss of our home and pay down our debt until we were finally ready to step out on our own again. We slowly began to house shop when a property sort of “landed in our laps”. Ironically, it was in the same school district we had left. I would love to say that this was our happy ending, but our story is far from over and we are in for a few more twists and turns.
The year 2020…need I say more?!? Besides a Pandemic, this year would definitely be top in the record books for our family. It started out alright, but then the Pandemic shut everything down. Coincidentally, that’s when a ton of things started breaking around the house; water heater, car, and the kitchen faucet (on my birthday!) just name a few. When we finally entered into July, it just seemed that life was more out of control than ever…and was about to become even more so. I was pregnant with baby #4. Mind you, my other “babies” are 10, 12, and 14 at this point. My head was spinning. In December of 2019 I had my IUD removed because I hated it! My husband was totally willing to get “things taken care of”, but a kidney stone put a little delay in that. When that finally passed, COVID hit and you know what happened? No…elective…procedures… Just dandy! So now I find myself pregnant and wondering, how do I tell my friends? My family? My children and husband? Heaven help me!
The first person I told about the pregnancy was my husband, of course. I honestly thought the news was going to give him a heart attack, so I waited until he’s was post-op from a kidney stone procedure. I figured the pain meds he’d be on would make him more “relaxed”. And you know, it actually worked! he received the news remarkably well! Admittedly, he did have “his moment” later…
As for my children, it was a lot harder to tell them. How on earth do we explain how this happened? In the end, my husband and I just decided to be real with them. We let them know they were going to have a new sibling, we explained how we felt about it and all of our mixed emotions, and we let them talk about their thoughts and feelings – even for months afterwards. This way we could have a discussion with them after they had the time to process what was about to happen. My oldest was more on the indifferent side. Not that he didn’t care, but with two younger siblings it was more of a “been there, done that” mentality. My other son (2nd oldest) was excited and was hoping for a brother. My youngest (then), she was not happy at all. In fact, she really worried me. She had been the baby of the family for so long, and the only girl, that she felt angry. I took the time to have “special girl time” with her. We got our nails done, we let her dye the ends of her hair teal (which came out gorgeous!) and just tried to talk her through the changes. She did have her moments of anger, but she also started getting excited. She even baked a cake for the sprinkle. But she has really become a wonderful and doting big sister. I’ll talk more depth about this in a future blog.
For our more immediate family members, we didn’t wait too long to share the news. This was due to my husband’s grandfather, whose health was failing. In fact, he passed away about week after we told him and mom-mom.
When it was time to tell my parents and in-laws, I was really nervous. I was afraid they would be judgmental and wonder why we weren’t more responsible. Luckily, they were very happy and supportive. They also wanted to make sure we understood where babies come from…har har! My parents don’t live locally, so we told them over the phone, but with my in-laws we got to share our news over a dinner visit. We handed them an envelope containing the ultrasound photo and it was fun to watch the reality of the image sink in; the look on their faces cycled between “am I dreaming” and “is this what I think this is?”.
As for the remainder of our family and friends, we waited to share the news, which was not entirely by choice…
By the middle of August, I developed a cough, which became pretty severe. I had to quarantine and get a COVID test. The test came back negative, but since we were now thinking bronchitis or pneumonia, I stayed isolated from the rest of my family. Unfortunately, the antibiotics I was put on only offered mild relief and a new symptom emerged…I felt like I had a pulled groin muscle. As the days passed, the pain intensified and one night I began getting spasms in my leg that were so severe my husband had to help me stretch them out. The next morning my husband rushed me to the ER and there was nothing that could have prepared me for what the doctor was about to say: “She has a massive blood clot in her leg.”
The words just hung there in the air as the triage doctor quickly departed for another emergency. Massive? How massive? What seemed like hours…okay, it was the ER, so it probably was hours…the doctor finally returned, and my husband inquired as to the exact meaning of massive. To which the doctor points to my groin and down to my mid-calf. Alright, so pretty much my whole leg. “So, what about her cough?”, my husband asks. The doctor orders a chest x-ray, gets my admittance submitted and off I go to radiology. It wasn’t until really late in the evening when the OB comes in to check on the baby and I when we ask about the chest x-ray. The x-ray was taken earlier in the afternoon, and we had heard nothing. Well, the expression, ‘no news is good news’, did…not…apply… The OB pulls up my chart and the first thing she said was, “Oh.” And not in a good way. I apparently had PE’s (pulmonary embolisms) in both of my lungs. It was odd because I didn’t feel like I had trouble breathing – it was just a nasty cough. Shocked didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. And yet, still the hardest part was to come.
The next day we were visited by another OB from the practice. Based upon my condition and the stress the pregnancy would have on my body, he came to discuss termination. Well, that was about all that I could take. I broke. I broke down. I sobbed my heart out. This was the lowest moment in my life. My husband and I talked and prayed and reached out to our parents and pastor. But one thing kept nagging at me, as if in answer to my prayers. It was this:
‘If you truly believe in me [God], then put your money where your mouth is. Trust me to take care of you and the baby.’
So, I did. Trust me, it wasn’t easy, and I was terrified the whole time. I was afraid to tell anyone else that I was pregnant because what if…. We waited until almost Halloween to announce the pregnancy, but the entire time I always felt on edge. I did have some comfort in knowing that I had wonderful prayer warriors out there praying for me. Friends and family would call to check in and bring us meals. Our village. We were truly blessed and continued to be so. And, in March of 2021, after 33 hours of labor, we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into this world. She has been a light in our lives, and I am so thankful to be here to see her.
During my postpartum visits I received a clean bill of health with the OB and the hematologist. We all breathed a sigh of relief and enjoyed the “newness” of parenthood again. Although I could have done without the sleepless nights and dairy free diet this new little one put me on! But in the fall of 2021, I had two more instances of a DVT in my right leg and am now permanently on blood thinners. It’s not the best news, but my condition is currently under control. If this is my cross to bear, I will accept it, gladly, because it is manageable. Because I…AM…HERE! And I don’t intend on going anywhere anytime soon.
I hope you enjoyed taking this journey with me and reading my story. Please stop by often to see where my journey takes me next….hopefully someplace relaxing and tropical!