Life is one of those adventures that always seems to know exactly when to throw a curveball at you. Sometimes it’s a welcome change, but many times we fight against this new “fork in our road”. Honestly, change is hard. And change is usually driven by circumstances that are beyond our control, which just adds to our angst. Not only have I experienced this, a lot, but I also hear both moms and dads struggling with change. In fact, this time of year, as our children return to school, a lot changes. Some of you are trying to deal with your kids back at college, your house empty and quiet and still. Others have children entering their senior year – whether it’s high school or college – and you are facing the emotional roller coaster of “last experiences”. And some are sending their children to school for the first time; and even though they are still young, they are now out of the house during the day. If you are/were a stay-at-home parent, now you feel an emptiness and loneliness you haven’t experienced before. Your days aren’t filled with meeting the needs of your toddler or your teen or your young adult. You have now embarked on a new journey, a new chapter.

New beginnings are daunting. They are emotionally draining and filled with anxiety. It isn’t about your children not needing you – in fact, they will always need you, but embracing the new ways that they need your support. When they are little, they need you for literally everything. As they get older, you are their “sideline support”. And while they need you less, your presence will always play a huge part in their self-esteem and how they weather their own storms. In fact, how you demonstrate your ability to endure and cope with your own hardships will ultimately become the basis for their own coping strategies. For as much as you feel your teen might be pushing you away, you are very much in their hearts and minds as they navigate their own new chapters in life. And it’s ok to let them make some of their own mistakes too. That’s why there’s erasers on pencils! 😉

So take a moment, sit still and quiet, breathe, and have a cathartic moment. Take a step back for a second. Notice your children. Notice how, as they become more and more independent, that is your hard work right there. Your child preparing themselves, from preschool all the way through college, to take on the world with the values you instilled in them. And as they continue to move out into the world, see this new time as an opportunity for you to consider new possibilities for yourself. You could start a new career, begin music lessons, get involved with a small group (coffee group with other parents, church group, social club, etc.), travel, read new books, take up a hobby or even go back to school. You are showing that there is still more life to live, fun experiences to be had and new friendships to make. Perhaps even show your kids that you learn from them too – how to still be young, have fun and aren’t afraid to take a leap. Whatever you do, it does not have to be drastic. If you still want to be a stay-at-home parent, do it. If you’ve always worked and want to continue – do it. What works for you and your family – that is what you should do. But don’t be afraid to try, even if it’s small, something new, something that is just for you and your own journey of self-discovery. I always try to guide my decisions with two perspectives: 1) Will I enjoy this? 2) Will I have regrets and what might those be?

So, my friends, embrace the new, embrace the journey, embrace the next chapter. You never know where it will take you, but chances are it will be something wonderful!

EDIT: By no means am I suggesting the above will “fix” what you’re going through or that one instance of catharsis will be enough. In fact, the process of child growth and development is, in certain moments, a grief process. A child leaving home to go on to college or move out and be on their own as an adult is a loss. A grief that needs to be worked through many times. The above suggestions are to assist you in your process. This will be different for everyone. Some people are introverts, so comforting self-guided activities, such as reading a book or taking an online class, are ways to create a more positive mentality for those individuals. For extroverts, group settings, which can lead to a support network, would be more effective – the “village”, if you recall from my About page. That village isn’t just there for child rearing support, but for you in every stage you go through.

I hope this adds to clarity to my intended meaning for this blog. This blog is for you, a support network for you, and, hopefully, a guide (not a rigid set of rules to follow).